There's a house like it on every street. You probably have one on your street actually; the dirty windows, so your unable to see into them. There’s a door which flakes at the sides and has its paint peeling away. A garden, which no matter what the weather was like, always sent a chill down your back when you walk near it. Yes, everyone has a house like this on their street, but not every old house like this has a resident like Mr. Lampoon.

Mr. Lampoon was an old, weathered man, with a snarl that would frighten most adults. He wasn't just grumpy, oh no; Mr. Lampoon was spiteful at all things that pretty and nice. He hated flowers, children and small animals. It was rumored that once a kitten ventured into his open back door. What happened to the kitten no one knew. But that evening Mr. Lampoon ate a fine cooked stake in his backyard, with the sound of his own maniacal laughter for company.

The residents of the street stayed away from Mr. Lampoon. They had grown used to his ravings at children playing and saw him as nothing more than a disgruntled old man. And was the cycle of Mr. Lampoon shouting at kids and the kids ran away. No one knew why Mr. Lampoon was as grumpy and as nasty as he was but the rest of the streets residence were happy to simply ignore him and wait until he died. That was, until Little Luicy's family moved into a house on the street...

Little Luicy's family was indeed a mystery to everyone. It seemed that one day Number 34 was up for sale and the next the sign had been replaced by a new family. No one saw the removal vans or any workers bringing in new furniture to the house. As sudden as that, Luicy Shine and her family were the new members of the street.

And what a family they where; Mr. Shine, a fine DiY man and carpenter, immediately made friends with all the husbands on the street. He invited them over to watch football games and offered them larger and coffee whenever they wanted it. And Mrs. Shine was the envy of all the Housewives; from the Shine's kitchen radiated into the street with the most beautiful aromas of delicious baking, cookies and freshly made pies. The other Housewives nattered away in backyards, about how much the disliked the new Mrs. Shine; but when the subject of their nattering popped her head up from the Shine's backyard with a unique smile from her eyes and offered to share her recipes, the other housewives instantly took a liking to her.

Perhaps the most peculiar member of this small family was neither Husband nor Wife... the true Shine came from Little Luicy Shine. This young girl wore bright, colorful clothes and in the most eccentric of combinations; one day, she wore a Yellow Dress with one pink striped sock and one purple striped sock. The next day, she wore a green jumper with red sleeves and a red and yellow striped hat. And every time she was seen by others of the street, she would always be playing with Dolls, bikes or catch with big balls. And all the other kids instantly liked Little Luicy and wanted to invite her to play their games of hide and seek or tag. But Luicy always smiled a big bright smile and said in a pleasant voice 'Thank you, but I like playing alone.'

There was one pair of eyes on the street that disliked all the Shines. Like a rainy cloud forming on a nice, sunny day, Mr. Lampoon watched all the musings of the new family with mixed interest and dislike. From the corner of his window, peeking out slightly between curtain and dusty glass, he eyed the Mrs. Shine nattering away with other wives. From his front room, he could see the Mr. Shine showing the other husbands how to fix car engines using only a spoon and toothpick. This new family was so bright and colorful, he thought to himself inside his gloomy home. 'I wish they'd just bugger off!' he shouted to no one but himself.

And life went on about the street. For a while, Mr. Lampoon stayed in his home and never wished to come out. But it was one strange morning, as he woke up; he heard a tapping noise outside his bedroom window. He grabbed his cane and painfully hobbled over to the window where he pulled back the curtains. And to his utter surprise, a pair of metal ladders stared him straight in the face!

'What the buggery!' he shouted, trying to peer up the ladders. Unable to see, Mr. Lampoon rushed downstairs and out into his front yard in only his pants and stained vest. He looked up the ladder to see none other than Mr. Shine. 'What do you think your doing!' screamed Mr. Lampoon.

'Howdy neighbor!' said Mr. Shine. 'I couldn't help but notice you had a small leak in your drainpipe. I decided I'd surprise you and fix it!'

'I don't need your bloody charity! Get off my property now!'

Despite being yelled at in such a rude manner, Mr. Shine always kept his smiled. He politely tilted the rim of his hat and then eloquently slid down the ladders. After giving them a gentle kick, they snapped up and folded themselves in mid air. Mr. Shine caught them perfectly and balanced them in his shoulder.

'Well, Mr. Lampoon, I fixed your drainpipes anyway. Tomorrow, I’ll get started on that squeaky gate for you.' Again, Mr. Shine tipped his hat and strolled back home, leaving a rather stunned Mr. Lampoon to wonder what had just transpired.

That afternoon saw Mr. Lampoon shout at two children playing near a tree as well as him trying to chase a stray cat out of his yard. During the evening, a second group of children playing catch with a big yellow ball that had a picture of the Sun on accidentally threw it into Mr. Lampoon’s front yard. They dared and teased each other to get the ball back, as if it was some right of passage for young boys to venture into the scary Mr. Lampoon’s property. Before the bravest of the boys could finish climbing the fence (also as right of passage, the boys are not allowed to use the gate) Mr. Lampoon charged from his front door, cane raised high and screamed what sounded like a terrible war cry. The poor boy fell back into the street and cried before the rest of the group could pull him to safety. They watched in horror, as Mr. Lampoon waddled over to their ball, circled it for a moment and then brought the point of the cane straight into it. The big yellow ball went pop. As Mr. Lampoon started to walk back to his home, he couldn’t help but noticed a bright blue coat, with green and black striped tights. He hadn’t noticed Luicy Shine before now, standing at the fence near the bottom of the yard. But her watching him made him twitch. They seemed to lock eyes, only for a moment, before he jeered at her and went back inside.

The next morning, Mr. Lampoon was yet again awakened by a strange noise; but also by a new smell. He couldn’t quiet recognized this smell and he was unable to pin point a picture in his mind of what this smell belonged too. He grabbed his cane and ignored his aching hip as he walked to the window. Looking outside, he was greeted by a sudden brightness. As his eyes grew accustomed, he saw that it wasn’t the morning sun, but a bright, yellow polo shirt of Mr. Shine, who was working away at Mr. Lampoon’s front yard gate. Mr. Lampoon stared in amazement as Mr. Shine adjusted the bolts on the gate, checked to see if they squeaked and when unsatisfied, carried on tweaking them.

Mr. Lampoon was a mix of sheer wonder and blind rage as he charged down his stairs. The pain in his hip would have dropped any normal person, but the rage cooked adrenaline in Mr. Lampoon and he had the strength of ten horses. As he hit the ground floor, he slammed through the front door intent on causing hell. He stopped when his foot stood in something squishy, warm and moist.

He looked down at his right foot, now covered in a blue mush hiding his slipper. It must be said that the sight of Mr. Lampoon paused like a warrior in mid charge, cane raised like a sword only to have one of his feet buried in Mrs. Shine’s delicious Blueberry pies would have put any normal human in hysterics.

Not Mrs. Shine though; she appeared from no where with a gentle smile in her eyes and took Mr. Lampoon’s arm. His adrenaline had all gone now, the pain from his hip and sudden feeling of tiredness got to him quickly. He was not unable to resist the guiding hands of Mrs. Shine, nor could he offer protest at Mr. Shine attempts at DiY.

‘It’s ok now Mr. Lampoon; you’ve only gone and stepped in one of my pies,’ she said, giggling in a friendly way. ‘Shouldn’t worry though, I can bring plenty more over for you tomorrow, as well as some nice fresh cookies.’

Despite the assistance the Shine’s had given Mr. Lampoon, he felt no need to be thankful. He pulled back his arm before Mrs. Shine could guide him into the house and slammed the door shut in her face. Then he waited. He listened and listened, using his cane for support, for the sound of them infernal neighbors leaving. After a few minutes, Mr. Lampoon pulled the door ajar slightly and looked into his front yard. There was no greeting from a blinding flash of colors, or the cheery voice of the Shines. Feeling the area was Shine-free Mr. Lampoon carefully stepped into his front yard and walked over to the gate. Besides the gate he noticed another, fully intact, Blueberry Pie, It had tin foil wrapped carefully around the top. He looked around for any neighbors or more specifically, the Shines; but feeling satisfied no one was watching he bent down and picked up the pie. ‘It does smell alright,’ he said to himself. ‘Maybe a little bite wouldn’t hurt.’ Then he tried the gate. He was surprised at the absence of a squeak, which had plagued him for nearly 30 years.

Feeling his day was coming to an early end, Mr. Lampoon carried the tasty smelling pie back into his house. Before he closed the door, he peered across the street and noticed a bright white skirt and purple turtle neck. Little Luicy, despite the sun not being out, also wore big glasses in the shape of stars. However it wasn’t what the girl was wearing that made him stop and stare; it was the fact that she was bouncing a big yellow ball, with a picture of the Sun on it down the street. Mr. Lampoon thought he had been sneaky as well, spying on the little girl playing all by herself. But she turned her head and yet again, the little girl and the grumpy old man locked eyes for a second, before Mr. Lampoon slammed the door closed.

Mr. Lampoon had no sleep that night. He stayed awake in his front room, eyes burning with paranoia, anxiety and anger. He listened carefully for the mustering of the street waking up, listened for the visit from The Shines to offer their dammed charity. Mr. Lampoon was having none of it this morning. As the sun rose up at the sixth hour of the day, Mr. Lampoon heard a quiet, feint ‘click’ of his front yard gate.
Hell had seen no demon bore down so fast as Mr. Lampoon bore onto his front yard. He battered through the front door, straight into Mrs. Shine carrying a bag of Cookies and a Blueberry Pie and he kept running. He barreled into Mr. Shine, sending his tool box high into the air and landing with a clutter. At the end of his charge, Mr. Lampoon fell to the floor from agony in his hip.

‘Get out of my yard! Get out! Why don’t you people just leave me alone!?’ screamed Mr. Lampoon. His eyes were red and puffy now, both from the lack of sleep and the tears of frustration and anger. His entire body was shaking and he was sweating a nervous sweat. Mrs. Shine tried to help him to his feet, but the old man thrashed at her with his cane. Mr. Shine managed to get closer still, taking a few hits from the cane. But before he could help the old man up, Mr. Lampoon fought him off as the cane started to hurt. Both the Husband and the Wife of the Shine family left the yard, clearly upset and worried for the old mans health.

But there was another member of the Shine family in the front yard. She stood up now, having been sat just to the side of the now battered front door. Today, Little Luicy Shine wore a simple yellow dress with a yellow hat. Her shoes had yellow ribbons on them. It was the shock of the spectator’s collection at Mr. Lampoons shouting and even to her parents that morning, that today Little Luicy was dressed all in the same color. She also carried a small doll and was staring at Mr. Lampoon.

‘I said get out of my yard. Why won’t you people just leave me alone,’ said Mr. Lampoon, sobbing quietly in the vein attempt no one would notice. But still, Luicy just sat and watched the old man. There was a mystified silence amongst the residents of the street, and amongst Mr. and Mrs. Shine as they all watched the old man and the little girl watching each other.

No one watching could tell you why. There was no movement from anyone to make the little girl do what she did. It also seemed no one was more surprised at her straight forward determination than Mr. Lampoon at the time.

Little Luicy stood. The crowd watched her. She walked slowly towards the old man without taking her eyes of his. Mr. Lampoon raised his cane suddenly to the collective gasp of the crowd. But he never brought it down, never struck Little Luicy with the piece of wood. It wasn’t as if Mr. Lampoon was adverse to striking children; he had taken it upon himself to discipline a few in the past. It was just that looking into the girls eyes as she slowly walked over to him and seeing the pure, delighted goodness within her, Mr. Lampoon could not bring himself to strike her. His stubbornness and spiteful attitude had fended off Mr. and Mrs. Shine, but he knew that same attitude would not scare Little Luicy. She was too young to know any bitterness within the world and that realization made Mr. Lampoon sob even more. The crowd, Mr. and Mrs. Shine and even Mr. Lampoon watched as the girl stopped close to the old man. Then she took his hand and helped him up.

‘Would you like to play with me, Mr. Lampoon?’ she asked. The old man was too mystified to say no and so simply nodded his head. Then she led him back into the house and into the front room. No one else dared follow them. The residents of the street were too scared to enter into Mr. Lampoon’s home, even at the recent turn of events. But Mr. and Mrs. Shine didn’t follow because they knew, like they had known all along, Mr. Lampoon was harmless. They smiled at each other, took each others hand and walked back home.

That day saw the birth of a new Mr. Lampoon. No longer did the old man bear down on people as a grumpy, evil fright. Instead he became a jolly, friendly member of the street’s small community. It wouldn’t be fair to say he did this on his own, either. For that day when Little Luicy walked him into his house, she had seen a small photo frame on the fireplace. It was of Mr. Lampoon’s late wife, who had died almost 30 years ago.

‘She’s pretty,’ said Little Luicy, looking at the photo. ‘Is she in heaven now, watching you?’

The last sentence made Mr. Lampoon cry again. ‘I hope not,’ he said.

Mr. Lampoon saw many years with his new outlook on life. Soon, Little Luicy grew up and stopped being a little girl. She became a teenager, then a young lady. But she always thought of Mr. Lampoon as her adopted Granddad, and he thought just as fondly as her right up too the day he died.

Luicy chose to wear yellow to the funeral, instead of traditional black. When asked why, she said it was the color she wore the day she met the real Mr. Lampoon. Sat at his gravestone that evening with only her parents waiting for her from afar, Luicy knelt beside Mr. Lampoon’s final resting spot. She reached into her bag and pulled a faded photograph out; the frame had long ago worn and broke. Luicy placed the photo beside the gravestone and without any thought or realization, Luicy said ‘I hope she was watching, she would have been proud.’ Then she stood and joined her parents to leave the graveyard.